Another weary mother sits next to me, drained and fatigued because her children do not listen to her. She and her husband experience continual frustration and marital conflict because of their children’s lack of obedience. Their home lacks joy. Instead, it is filled with angry voices and aggravated cries.

In restricted parts of Asia, the current generation of Christian parents are often the first believers in their family. These parents did not have the privilege of growing up with a mom and dad who showed godly love and discipline. While there is a desire to teach and train their children, many do not have great examples to follow in their lives.

I’ve noticed a couple of trends over the years as I counsel local, believing moms on parenting issues. My aim is not to condemn or shame parents; instead, I hope to provide insight and understanding as to why obedience is important and how the global church can pray for these things as parents strive to raise the next generation of believers.

There is no peace at home because parents become frustrated with children who do not listen. 

First, I believe obedience is important because raising obedient kids is a joy. Children who do not obey the first time a parent asks them to do something cause great strife within the home. Marriages struggle as mom and dad deal with the stress of disobedient children. There is no peace at home because parents become frustrated with children who do not listen.

The Bible has many verses on listening to parental instruction, 

• Proverbs 1:8 — “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” 
• Proverbs 4:1 — “Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight.”  
• Ephesians 6:1 — “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  
• Colossians 3:20 — “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” 

Obedience is doing something the first time, every time, and with a happy heart.

When my children were young, a friend shared with me a definition of obedience. Her definition of obedience is doing something the first time, every time, and with a happy heart. This doesn’t mean children will listen one hundred percent of the time (mine certainly don’t). We live in a fallen world, and we are sinful parents raising sinful children. However, encouraging children to listen the first time is crucial. 

Why is this? Raising people who listen and obey is important because we want them to listen and obey God’s voice. We are all sinners, and we all fall short (Romans 3:23). It’s important that our children understand this. We want to train them to listen and obey because our hope and desire as Christian parents is that one day they will listen and obey the voice of God. If our children do not understand that they are sinners, how will they come to know Christ?

Grace-based parenting... letting a child do whatever they want.

I’ve talked to many mothers who believe they are practicing grace-based parenting. To them, this means letting a child do whatever they want. However, I gently correct them and explain that this isn’t grace. Instead, grace-based parenting should remind children that they are sinners, but they have a wonderful Savior who loves and cares for them.

I often recite Psalm 126:5-6 on tough parenting days. It says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” We may struggle and cry out to God on tough days, but our hard work in raising children will not be in vain. Hopefully, the time and effort spent training and disciplining our children will result in God changing their hearts and ours.

Programs that train and help teach parents godly discipline and parenting are crucial.

As I reflect on this, I’m reminded of the needs many churches have. Programs that train and help teach parents godly discipline and parenting are crucial. Books like Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp and Parenting: Fourteen Gospel Principles by Paul David Tripp are available in English and at least Mandarin.

Other programs like Connected Families have also been introduced in many small groups. This program provides material and instruction on connecting with children, and parenting coaches are also available for families who need extra support. ChinaSource has also featured material available for Mandarin-speaking parents.

Please join me in praying for Christian families on the mainland. Many parents are hungry for support and examples of how to raise their children. I’m always humbled and amazed at the questions I receive.

Ask God to give parents strength and endurance as they run the race in parenting. Pray that God would encourage and provide for parents who are training their kids in a fallen world. Finally, ask God to change the hearts of children so that they may know, love, and serve him. This is the next generation of believers, and my prayer is that God would use them in amazing ways for his kingdom. 

Originally published by ChinaSource. Republished with permission.

Red Lily (pseudonym) is a homeschooling mom who has served in mainland China with her family since 2016. She enjoys connecting local families with helpful resources and encouraging them in family life. In her spare time, she enjoys writing, reading, and hiking