Lessons learned through trials are the ones that change us most. Unanswered prayer is one such trial for me. The Lord has, and continues to, answer many of my prayers. But to one specific prayer, he has offered only silence for more than eighteen years. Yet, this silence from heaven has been the very thing God is using to strengthen my faith. His silence on my one request is helping me overcome my deep-rooted fearfulness, unbelief, and self-sufficiency.

I’m naturally a timid introvert who tends to give up when things don’t go as I desire. Perhaps that is why the Lord chose to include a trial which requires patient waiting for my sanctifying path. I’d like to say that after such a long time I would have passed this test—my transformation complete—but I can’t. Doubt and discouragement often shroud my faith. But through this journey of my one important prayer request going unanswered, I have learned much and grown to believe more. These lessons enable me to keep on asking—even in the silence. Many Christians share this struggle. May these words encourage you to continue seeking the Lord in prayer.

Though I’ve read the story of the faith of the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15:21-28 many times, the Holy Spirit recently opened my eyes to its truth in a way he never had before. There is much we can learn from this dialogue between Jesus and a Gentile woman to help us as we wait.

Pray Earnestly

Jesus departed to Tyre & Sidon to withdraw from the crowds which had been following him. Here a Canaanite woman, overcome by fear and dread, came to Jesus and cried out on behalf of her daughter: “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon” (Matt. 15:22).

In her plea for mercy, this woman acknowledged Jesus as Lord, and as the Son of David. Both expressions show that she had a degree of faith. By acknowledging Jesus as the Son of David, she relayed her belief that he was the promised Messiah. She knew that Jesus was the only one able to rescue her daughter; therefore, she came to him in earnest desperation. Yet, to her persistent and continual pleading the Messiah offered a most puzzling response. “But he did not answer her a word” (Matt. 15:23a). Silence. No acknowledgement. Yet, the Canaanite woman did not give up. She kept on pleading with Jesus until she received an answer.

Finally, she got one. “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel” (Matt. 15:24). How strange. Upon hearing these words, the me of eighteen years ago would have been a dejected puppy cowering away, head sunk low. But the desperate Canaanite woman did not let this statement from Jesus discourage her. Most likely she had heard how much mercy Jesus had shown to others, and about the miracles he had performed. She knew enough about him not to give up. Maybe she had heard and remembered Jesus’ words, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matt. 7:7).

True Faith Overcomes Our Fears

When the Canaanite woman first arrived at the scene, you can sense her deep fear. She was “crying out” to Jesus, but then also to the disciples. She was desperate, earnest, fervent, and relentless in her pleading. It’s impossible to know for sure, but based on the woman’s desperate and repeated cries, it's fair to assume all other options to help her daughter had been tried and came up empty. This was a desperate mother. Yet, she had enough faith to cry out to Jesus. The great evangelist George Müller once said, “Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins when man's power ends.” This woman’s power ended, and her faith began to grow.

As her dialogue with Jesus progressed from silence to abstract discouragement, the woman’s fears quieted; she became more composed and more confident to persevere in her pleading. With a looser grip on fear, she succumbed to her faith and bowed down before him in humility. With great desperation she cried “Lord, help me!”.

We might be tempted to think Jesus was a tad cruel in letting this scene play out as he did, vague answers and all. John MacArthur says of this dialogue that Jesus, “…was tenderly drawing from her an expression of her faith.” We can see this as her fretful storm quiets.

Do we pray like this woman—empty-handed and knowing only God can answer our plea? Or do we have a plan A, B, and C to fall back on—just in case?

Know and Plead God’s Character

In verse 26, Jesus pushed his vague response a little further, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” Even when it looked like Jesus wouldn’t give her what she so desperately desired, she knew enough of his character to ask again. The Canaanite woman remained steadfast, a little less overwhelmed by fear, and more rested in faith. She replied, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table” (v. 27). I can almost hear the quiet determination in her voice.

The woman knew Jesus’ mercy was abundant, unlimited. She asked for merely a dropped crumb knowing there was plenty for ‘his children’ and her daughter. She humbly, yet boldly, told him she knew there was more than enough mercy to go around. Finally, the answer she waited for came. “Then Jesus answered her, ‘O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.’ And her daughter was healed instantly” (v. 28). She received her answer and a commendation of her faith! What sweet words they must have been.

Remember God’s Past Faithfulness

When you’re ready to doubt and give up, may I encourage you—don’t! Instead, remember what God has done in the past: “I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old” (Ps. 77:11). Remember the prayers he has answered on your behalf. Remember the mountains he has moved. Remember the cross of Calvary.

When I am tempted to exchange prayer for discouragement and skulk away, I think back in quiet remembrance upon God’s faithfulness. As I do, a gentle smile often brightens my sullen face. A dozen years ago I stood in our dated kitchen peeling potatoes as my then young teenage daughter chatted excitedly about girly things—dance and dresses. We had a strong bond; my daughter and I. Rooted in Christ we were also now sisters in faith. We had become a strange anomaly to the rest of our family. The Lord had put a longing in our hearts to minister to imprisoned children on a mother-daughter, short-term mission trip to Uganda. However, out of love and care for his two girls and fearful for our safety, my husband was not for it. For months I fervently, faithfully prayed and waited obediently on the Lord with a quiet spirit. I was confident that if this deep desire within me to go was truly from the Lord, I would receive my husband's blessing—without nagging, manipulation or begging.

The blessing came six months after the first ask, just before the sign-up deadline. It came unexpectedly and in an ordinary moment as I peeled potatoes. My daughter sang as she twirled, “I wonder what I would look like wearing this long dress in Uganda?” My daughter’s spin finished, just as my husband came around the corner, her skirt still swaying. A quiet, natural conversation began. Ultimately, my husband granted his genuine blessing.

As I reflect upon that mountain being cast into the sea that day, I am reminded and blessed by the goodness of God. It wasn’t the last mountain the Lord moved from my path. There are still some Everest’s in my view. Again and again, I remind myself, God has been faithful in the past. He will be so today, and again tomorrow.

So as we wait, let’s take to heart the words of J.C. Ryle from his thoughts on Matthew’s Gospel: “Let us never give up, while life lasts. Let us believe that Jesus is not changed, and that he who heard the Canaanitish mother, and granted her request, will also hear us, and one day give us an answer of peace.”