On this episode of theActs Social Podcast, hostShawn Whitsonsits down withTom Pfanner, the voice behind theDads Who Lead podcast and the author of the upcoming bookDads Who Lead: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Parenting and Start Leading.
What unfolds is a powerful story of faith, fatherhood, and the challenges—and breakthroughs—that come when raising teenagers in today’s world.
The Heart BehindDads Who Lead
Tom believes fatherhood is one of the most important coaching roles in the world. His podcast brings together top coaches and leaders to equip dads with practical tools and wisdom.
“My goal is each week to bring top coaches from around the globe so we can learn how they operate and use that information to better lead ourselves and better lead our family.”–Tom Pfanner
Shawn highlights how critical this work is in today’s society:
“There are so many issues in households from unleading fathers, or no fathers at all. A father’s leadership is absolutely critical.”–Shawn Whitson
A Father’s Journey of Faith and Struggle
Tom opened up about becoming a dad at just 18, navigating co-parenting, and eventually facing the heartbreak of his teenage son Charles walking out of his life.
“I remember that night sitting in his empty bedroom and just crying out to God, like, ‘All right, what’s the shift that I need to make to lead him back into my life?’”–Tom Pfanner
Instead of trying to control the situation, Tom chose to focus onhis own leadership growth. He sought coaching, leaned on faith, and found new ways to connect with his son.
The turning point came when Tom encouraged Charles to redirect his focus from marijuana use to physical activity. That small nudge led to Charles discovering Muay Thai and jiu-jitsu—and eventually to major life changes.
“By halfway through his sophomore year, he was clean and a varsity letterman in wrestling.”–Tom Pfanner
From Pain to Purpose: The Book
Tom’s story inspired not only his podcast but also his book, which releasesSeptember 26th—on his son’s 18th birthday.
The book is a practical guide for dads of teenagers who feel their kids pulling away and want to shift from traditional “parenting” to true leadership.
“Our kids are writing their own stories. My role as a dad is not to steer their ship, but to lead from the front so they feel safe coming alongside mine.”–Tom Pfanner
Why This Matters Now
Shawn emphasized how urgent this message is for today’s parents:
“These teenage years are like tossing kids into the rapids and trying to control the flow. Social media and outside influences raise them more than parents do.”–Shawn Whitson
Tom added:
“The average face-to-face time with a parent is 35–45 minutes a day, while screen time averages seven hours. If you’re not intentional, you just become another voice.”
Get Connected
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🎧 Listen to theDads Who Leadpodcast for weekly conversations with leaders, coaches, and experts.
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📖 Watch for Tom’s bookDads Who Lead, releasingSeptember 26th.
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🌐 Take the free leadership quiz atdadswholead.comto discover your leadership style.
📲 Follow Tom on Acts Social to get direct updates, podcast alerts, and book release notifications.
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