I’ve experienced tough situations in my adult life, including a divorce, single parenting two young boys, and telling them at ages 8 and 14 that their dad had been killed in a car accident. Despite those challenges, I’ve told many people that caring for an aging loved one is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

My caregiving responsibilities began when I worked full-time and my mother-in-law was in her mid-80s. By the time my mother-in-law was in her last year, my own mom began to have aging struggles brought on by a fall that resulted in a broken clavicle.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but in the first few years, I simply did what needed to be done. I typically didn’t have the glory of God or his provision in view to help me serve with a gracious attitude. Even if I did consider “the first commandment with a promise” (Eph. 6:2), it was mainly with a check-the-box attitude.

According to Senior Living’s Family Caregiver Annual Report, one in five Americans is a caregiver to an elderly family member, friend, or neighbor. That seems like such a high number. But it’s comforting to know we’re not alone. Those of us supporting an elderly loved one know it isn’t easy, whether the loved one is in our home, his or her own home, a long-term care facility, or a senior-living community.

Caring for an aging loved one is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

Aging’s results are innumerable; physical injuries, diseases, cognitive decline, and mental health problems affect each person differently. As they compound, the challenges increase for the loved one and for caregivers striving to bring comfort, safety, and healing. Abundant resources are available on caregiving, but few teach us how to do it for God’s glory.

Despite my many years of giving care perfunctorily, the Lord was gracious to guide me—sometimes gently and sometimes not so gently—to actions and mindsets that made the journey easier.

1. Pray for yourself.

We tend to pray for others but not ourselves. I prayed a surface-level prayer in the past, which may have sounded more like “Lord, please help Mom want to do things my way.” But I eventually learned to pray more specific and biblical petitions:

• To glorify God in all I do (Col. 3:17)
• For empathy toward my loved one (Rom. 15)
• To be kind, even when I have to be firm (Gal. 5:22)
• To see my loved one as God’s image-bearer (Gen. 1:26)
• To see God at work (Phil. 2:13)
• For wisdom to find specific ways to best minister to needs (James 1:5)
• For unity in the family around the best options (2 Cor. 13:11)
• For genuine affection and delight in honoring my loved one (Rom. 12:10)

2. Pray for your loved one.

Scripture is the best basis for prayer, and my favorite resource for praying for someone struggling is Nancy Guthrie’s I’m Praying for You: 40 Days of Praying for Someone Who Is Suffering.

Likely, your loved one has or will have a great desire to feel useful. Guthrie covers this need in her prayer based on John 15:1–2: “Give ____ eyes to see that you are purposeful in the pruning and that you intend for his life to produce beautiful fruit that will please him and please you.”

Another common desire of suffering people is to understand what God is doing in this challenging season. Based on John 9:3, Guthrie’s prayer begins,

Lord, we don’t presume to know exactly what your purpose is in allowing this suffering into ____ ’s life. But we believe that because he belongs to you, his suffering is not random or meaningless. It’s purposeful. And so we ask you to accomplish your purposes. We ask that your power at work in ____’s life would be seen in his life.

If your loved one is an unbeliever, you can pray that your ministry to her will create opportunities to share Christ’s love verbally and through service, and that her heart would be softened rather than hardened by her disability.

3. Recognize that this situation is harder on the loved one than it is on you.

People who have been self-sufficient their whole adult lives can be in denial that they need help. Your loved one may resent offers of help, even those that are necessary and loving. Recognize his frustration and try to find a way for the help you’re suggesting to be his idea.

4. Leave as much dignity as long as safely possible.

My mom used to be offended by people drawing attention to something hanging from her mouth while she ate, even though caregivers thought she’d want to know. We decided to drop it because it wasn’t a safety issue. On the other hand, once her fall risk was almost 100 percent, we had to insist on help in the bathroom at all times.

5. Look for and focus on the blessings.

Mom was blessed to have the resources to be in a lovely senior-living community. She had six regular ladies who took care of her in 12-hour shifts. This allowed me to focus on the more administrative side of caregiving, such as supply ordering, resource management, and doctor (and ER) visits. There are many other blessings to notice as well. If you can focus on some positives, they may  reciprocate.

Pray her heart would be softened rather than hardened by her disability.

As a caregiver, focusing on honoring the Lord first shifted my perspective. Changing my attitude to a more godly one also changed my mom’s outlook; she became more appreciative.

Scripture teaches us repeatedly that God is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in faithful love. As a Christ-follower, I should want to emulate his character. Through his power that works within me (Eph. 3:20), I can do that.

News Source : https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/honor-aging-loved-one-hard/