The Gospel Coalition

I vividly remember walking into my first Cru gathering as a secular and skeptical 23-year-old. In the years leading up to that moment, I had spent countless nights wondering if life was even worth waking up for. It often felt like the world didn’t want me. So as I stepped through those doors, I asked and hoped that God would be different. The longing I felt that night isn’t unique to me. In the years since, both as an intern with Cru and as a volunteer on my church’s youth staff, I’ve ministered to students who are where I once was. In Gen Z, I commonly see fear of rejection. As Gen Zers continue to live online and find relationships there, one of the most prominent forms of rejection they face emerges in the digital realm: ghosting. And I’ve learned to meet that fear with the doctrine of God’s unshakeable love. Experience of Rejection “Ghosting” is a popular term with Gen Z that means suddenly cutting off all contact without explanation. While its most common usage occurs in online dating spaces, it can also happen in friendships. One study revealed that 50 percent of Gen Z and younger millennials report being ghosted by a close friend. In an era when Gen Z mostly lives online, this kind of rejection is almost inescapable. The same study showed that 84 percent of respondents report being scarred by ghosting. Ghosting, through its many apparitions, has left Gen Z socially isolated and lonely. Online communities become like exclusive country clubs where users can remove others, leaving them confused, hurt, and with a lingering pang of rejection from their peers. Online communities become like exclusive country clubs where users can remove others. However, for a generation highly motivated to continue learning about Jesus (52 percent) and eager for in-person relationships, what some Gen Zers find as they step into the church is sadly no different from what they experience among their peers. Another study found that the second-largest reason young adults stopped attending church was that they perceived church members as judgmental or hypocritical. ‘What Makes God Different?’ Ultimately, Gen Z isn’t searching for something new or unique to their generation but for what all generations desire: to be fully known and fully loved. As they explore Christianity, they’re asking, “What makes God any different from those who have rejected me?” This question leads us to examine God’s character, where we see how he truly stands apart. He knows everything about us, the good and the bad. Yet, strangely, this guarantees a comfort no one else can offer. No matter our story, God doesn’t reject us; he draws near and restores us. While others might reject us if they truly knew us, it isn’t so with God. Instead of turning away when he sees our ugly, broken, and sinful side, he draws near. It’s an act of agape love, a selfless, sacrificial act of goodwill, and an unconditional commitment to the one who is loved. This kind of love is distinctly Christian. It isn’t merely kindness, or excusing sin, or doing whatever the person wants; it’s cross-shaped. He loves us because he loves his Son, who conquered sin and death in our place. There’s no “he loves me, he loves me not” dynamic with God; those in Christ never have to worry about God changing his mind or ghosting them. He chose rebels before the creation of the universe, knowing fully who he’d get involved with (Eph. 1:4), and he doesn’t make mistakes (Matt. 5:48; Ps. 18:30). Revealing an Invisible God Since God is invisible, it may feel like he’s ghosting us. This ushers in an opportunity for the body of Christ to reach Gen Z with God’s unshakable and eternal love. The apostle John tells us that no one has ever seen God in his fullness, and yet his love is manifested in and through us when we abide in him (1 John 4:12). For Gen Zers questioning how God can be different, we can manifest God’s love through sacrificially meeting others’ needs. We see a beautiful example of this in the gospel community in Acts. The early church created spaces for the living God to be made manifest, and Jerusalem became a place where they could display the reality of a loving God through their love for one another (Acts 2:42–47). No matter our story, God doesn’t reject us; he draws near and restores us. Are our Christian communities also devoted to the apostles’ teaching? To fellowship, communion, and prayer? Are we the aroma of Christ to members of Gen Z (2 Cor. 2:14–16)? There’s no secret formula for getting Gen Z through our doors, but they need to see a gathering of people who recognize their brokenness and realize that Christ Jesus is the only source of restoration. Jesus said it isn’t the healthy who need a physician but the sick (Matt. 9:12). Scripture reveals we’re all sick (Rom. 3:23); everyone needs the Great Physician, including Gen Z. The sick don’t need a courthouse or a country club but a hospital where people come in need of healing and walk out experiencing that healing.

When it’s healthy and flourishing according to God’s good design, a marriage between a husband and wife is one of the most beautiful things in the world to behold. In good marriages, we see pictured most clearly the truth of Christ and his love for the church (Eph. 5:31–32). When we see marriages depicted in contemporary popular culture, they’re usually more broken than beautiful. Marital infidelity seems more common than fidelity in fictional narratives, marital frustration more frequent than bliss. Marital infidelity seems more common than fidelity in fictional narratives, marital frustration more frequent than bliss. Yet occasionally in pop culture, we find truly inspiring, lovely, aspirational depictions of marriage. At a time when marriage rates are declining and young people seem less and less interested in this cornerstone institution, Christians should celebrate when marriage is shown in a favorable, life-giving light. Here are 12 of my favorite examples from contemporary movies, television, and literature (bonus: see a 2023 article and playlist with my favorite musical expressions of marriage). Movies Carl and Ellie, Up (2009) Even though Carl and Ellie’s marriage is shown only through a five-minute, dialogue-free montage at the start of the movie, the memorable, tear-jerking sequence is a big reason most people consider Up to be one of Pixar’s finest films. Brilliantly animated, the potent sequence shows the couple getting married, turning a fixer-upper into a beautiful home, conceiving but losing a child, and sharing the quotidian pleasures and pains of life. Enhanced by Michael Giacchino’s Oscar-winning nostalgic score, the brief “married life” montage manages to capture more truth about marriage in a few minutes than many two-hour films do. Tom and Gerri, Another Year (2010) More people should watch this 2010 gem from acclaimed British director Mike Leigh. Another Year is (fittingly) a film about just another year in the life of a long-and-happily married couple, Tom (Jim Broadbent) and Gerri Hepple (Ruth Sheen). The film follows the Hepples over the course of four seasons, showing how their enduring marriage is a stable rock and source of joy in an orbit of unstable, unhappy friends and family. It’s a bittersweet but realistic film, making a healthy marriage all the more attractive when juxtaposed with others’ chronic loneliness and self-destructive patterns. Lee and Evelyn, A Quiet Place (2018) Maybe this is an unexpected choice. An alien-invasion movie that showcases the beauty of marriage? But if you’ve seen A Quiet Place, you know. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt (who are married in real life) play a married couple with two going on three kids. The couple manages to create a safe, loving, joyful home despite the ongoing alien apocalypse. They show how powerful a healthy marriage is for creating stability and giving hope in otherwise bleak times. And as Lee acts heroically and sacrificially to protect his wife and kids, he presents one of modern cinema’s best portraits of masculinity. Franz and Fani, A Hidden Life (2019) I’m including one nonfiction couple on my list because the depiction of marriage in Terrence Malick’s A Hidden Life is simply too good. As Franz and Fani Jägerstätter, European actors August Diehl and Valerie Pachner portray the “for better or worse” nature of covenantal love in a sublime way. As I argued in my lengthy review of the film in 2019, the WWII drama is ultimately a marriage story: “It’s about the struggle of fidelity amid hardship, love amid distance—for [Fani] and Franz, and for the church and her groom, Christ.” Television Eric and Tami, Friday Night Lights (2006–11) For me, Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) and his wife Tami (Connie Britton) are tops when it comes to healthy marriages on TV. As the centerpiece of the stellar Friday Night Lights—which debuted 20 years ago (!) this year—the Taylors constantly sacrifice for one another, support each other in the ups and downs of life, and team up to parent kids—both their own daughter and the many young men and women they coach and counsel. They complement each other beautifully and laugh a lot. They make marriage attractive. Jim and Pam, The Office (2005–13) Jim and Pam’s storyline is the heartbeat of The Office, giving the satirical show a strong dose of relatable sincerity. Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer) are the “normies” of the series, playing the “straight man” foil to Michael and the many other kooky characters in the cast. And as they fall in love and pursue each other gently and patiently (perhaps too patiently . . . their flirtation-turned-courtship is around 8 years long), finally getting married in season 6, Mr. and Mrs. Halpert show how the coming together of man and wife remains one of life’s most compelling dramas. Jack and Rebecca, This Is Us (2016–22) Perhaps no contemporary television drama has captured so well how a healthy marriage bears fruit in subsequent generations. As they portray various eras of Jack and Rebecca Pearson’s love story, Milo Ventimiglia and Mandy Moore show how a healthy marriage creates a ripple effect of love and safety for children, grandchildren, and other relationships. Among the aspects of the high, noble calling of marriage is what it can model for others, the legacy (for good or ill) it can leave. This Is Us makes that idea the central plank of its drama. Bandit and Chilli, Bluey (2018–present) Have I learned wisdom about marriage and parenting from an Australian animated show about a family of dogs? Yes. Yes, I have. The whimsically sweet show isn’t preachy about its pro-marriage, pro–nuclear family message, but it’s there. It’s impossible to watch Bluey without aspiring to emulate at least some of the virtues it models: engaged, playful presence with one’s spouse and children; a willingness to serve others rather than be served; the priority of cultivating a household of joy. If this type of love and joy is what a healthy marriage can cultivate, who wouldn’t desire it? Literature Larry and Sally / Sid and Charity, Wallace Stegner’s Crossing to Safety (1987) This beloved novel from celebrated American writer Wallace Stegner is a compelling portrait of the challenges and joys of marriage, as seen through the interweaving stories of two couples. The friendship between the Morgans and the Langs over decades helps each couple weather storms, professional ups and downs, and the “sickness and health” contingencies of life. The novel captures how each marriage has its own dynamics and challenges, but also that stormy waters need not be navigated in isolation. A healthy marriage is shaped by the community around it, buoyed and spurred on when it might otherwise sink in dangerous seas. Nathan and Hannah, Wendell Berry’s Hannah Coulter (2004) I read Berry’s Hannah Coulter a few years into my own marriage, and it made me all the more desirous of the sort of long, stable, resilient marriage Hannah and Nathan share in the novel. It’s not a perfect or trouble-free marriage, of course (“Troubles came, as they were bound to do, as the promise we made had warned us that they would”). But it’s a noble, sturdy marriage of shared work, common goals, love, fruitfulness, healing, and endurance in a post-war America where change was dizzying and challenges aplenty. Reverend Ames and Lila, Marilynne Robinson’s Lila (2014) The third novel in Robinson’s Gilead series, Lila is a gorgeous, theologically rich meditation on the complexities of covenantal love—giving and receiving it. The novel, deserving winner of a National Book Award in 2014, captures the healing and growth that can come from a healthy marriage, even after grievous tragedy and trauma. Marriage is messy and fragile because we’re fallen people prone to wander. Still, as Lila shows so beautifully, the choice to faithfully love, and to trust the faithful love of another, is a risk with miraculous rewards. Charles and Lily / James and Nan, Cara Wall’s The Dearly Beloved (2019) Similar to Crossing to Safety, Wall’s 2019 bestseller follows the interlocking stories of two married couples in midcentury America. In this novel, however, the two couples navigate the unique tensions of the husbands getting along well (they copastor a church) while the wives have a scratchy, often icy relationship. Wall renders a realistic and often beautiful diptych of marriage, set in a particular social (1960s New York City) and professional (church ministry) context. She shows how each of the four main characters is changed and grown through the commitments he or she makes, both in marriage and in ministry.

Various stories guide and even dictate how we navigate the world. We’ve all heard some of these stories’ slogans: “You do you,” “Love is love,” or “Follow your heart.” These “cultural narratives” are woven deep into the fabric of our lives, from popular media to everyday conversations. In this talk recorded at TGC25, Michael Keller explains how understanding and critiquing these stories helps us communicate the gospel in comprehensible and compelling ways. In This Episode 00:00 – Understanding cultural narratives and their influence 04:50 – Cultural narrative of identity 10:38 – Cultural narrative of freedom 14:54 – Cultural narrative of happiness 17:25 – Cultural narrative of power 26:32– Inoculating ourselves and others against cultural narratives 40:13 – The role of the church in cultural narratives 41:56 – Navigating political and cultural narratives 45:23 – Conclusion and Q&A Resources Mentioned: The Stories We Live By: How Jesus Critiques and Completes What Our Culture Tells Us by Timothy Keller and Michael Keller The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt SIGN UP for one of our newsletters to stay informed about TGC’s latest resources. Help The Gospel Coalition renew and unify the contemporary church in the ancient gospel: Give today. Don’t miss an episode of The Gospel Coalition Podcast: Apple Podcasts Spotify YouTube