What is real love actually

Valentine’s Day arrives every year with remarkable self-confidence. It assumes love should be obvious, effortless, and permanently exciting. Cards suggest that if love is real, it will feel magical. And social media portrays that everyone else seems to be doing rather well, thank you very much.

Real love, actually, is nothing like that. Real love is less filtered and far more faithful. Strip away the fantasy and you don’t lose romance, you discover the real version.

And before we go any further, a word to anyone reading this without a Valentine...

For many, that isn’t an easy place to be. Wanting companionship is not a failure or a lack of faith; it is part of being human. Please know this: your life is not on hold, you have not missed God’s timing and you are deeply loved by him.

Jesus never treated singleness as something to be fixed. He met people with dignity, presence and compassion. If this season carries both hope and longing, God can hold both and he walks with you in it.

You are seen, you are valued, and you are not alone.

So what does love, actually—the real version—look like in everyday life? Here are five Christ-shaped Cs that help love grow before marriage, within marriage and in the hearts of those still waiting.

1. Christ at the center

Real love works best when it is not at the center of our world.

Real love works best when it is not at the center of our world—Jesus is. "Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1 NIV)

That verse isn’t about bricks and mortar; it’s about lives, homes, and relationships.

I once asked a couple who had been married for over sixty years what sustained them. The wife smiled and said, "We didn’t always agree, but we always prayed." That’s romance as surrender.

Love, actually, isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person in Christ. "Seek first the kingdom of God." (Matthew 6:33 NKJV)

2. Conversation that goes deep

Real love talks and then listens.

Real love talks and then listens. Not just about films, food and future holidays (important though they are), but about faith, fears, family, failure and the future.

"The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." (Proverbs 20:5 NIV)

Love, actually, grows when we dare to be known, not just admired. Depth takes courage. Wisdom moves at a slower pace.

3. Consistency in the small things

Real love is... formed by quiet faithfulness.

Real love is rarely built by grand gestures. It is formed by quiet faithfulness.

Turning up.Keeping your word.Speaking kindly when tired.

Listening without reaching for your phone.